May302012
The scariest part of any horror film is that moment, partway through, where you suddenly realise that the filmmakers are about to fuck it all up.
Livid is almost wonderful - it starts off cleverly, with an interesting premise and well developed characters, but then after about an hour it just goes abstract and ridiculous. It just doesn’t work. The contrast between the carefully written first part and the totally nutty ending is too jarring; nothing makes sense, and all the creepy-as-hell visuals can’t quite save it.
I’m kind of heart-broken. I wanted to love it. But it’s just too daft.

The scariest part of any horror film is that moment, partway through, where you suddenly realise that the filmmakers are about to fuck it all up.

Livid is almost wonderful - it starts off cleverly, with an interesting premise and well developed characters, but then after about an hour it just goes abstract and ridiculous. It just doesn’t work. The contrast between the carefully written first part and the totally nutty ending is too jarring; nothing makes sense, and all the creepy-as-hell visuals can’t quite save it.

I’m kind of heart-broken. I wanted to love it. But it’s just too daft.

11AM
No thank you.

No thank you.

May272012
Disappointing murder mystery in which the killer reveals themselves in the last three minutes by, er, just shouting a confession at the hero.
(This film seems to get mixed up with other films of similar titles; I watched the 1965 proto-giallo version. I’m not entirely sure this is the right poster, though!)

Disappointing murder mystery in which the killer reveals themselves in the last three minutes by, er, just shouting a confession at the hero.

(This film seems to get mixed up with other films of similar titles; I watched the 1965 proto-giallo version. I’m not entirely sure this is the right poster, though!)

May182012
Promising but ultimately kind of dull zombie movie. The first half an hour was great, but then a zombie showed up and zzzzzzzzzzz.

Promising but ultimately kind of dull zombie movie. The first half an hour was great, but then a zombie showed up and zzzzzzzzzzz.

May132012
I reviewed this for Hotdog in 2006 and said it was a not-very-good Mean Girls clone.
It was on TV last night and I rewatched it. Turns out it’s a not-very-good Mean Girls clone. Oh well.

I reviewed this for Hotdog in 2006 and said it was a not-very-good Mean Girls clone.

It was on TV last night and I rewatched it. Turns out it’s a not-very-good Mean Girls clone. Oh well.

May22012
It’s difficult to give a film like this a star rating. It’s a complete oddity. For starters, it’s overtly stagey: the set up is that three strangers end up getting trapped in the underground laundry room of their apartment building on the hottest day of the summer, so it’s essentially a film about three people in one room.
The premise sounds like maybe it’ll become a low budget thriller of some sort, as they try to escape and maybe face some kind of physical hardships, and indeed the film seems like it’s going to go in that direction for a little while, as the electricity cuts out, there’s only a limited amount of food (and no bathroom) available, and the possibility that the basement will flood looms.
But then things start getting kind of weird. The dynamic between the three strangers continually shifts, and none of them act rationally, at all. Within about an hour of getting trapped, they’re all acting as if this is a life and death situation, when actually it seems pretty likely that someone will be along to let them out before too much longer. (The scene in which Julian and Moriat have sex, writhing in a chair without ever actually getting undressed, while Nora reads from the newspaper, is bewildering.) It sounds terrible, and yet somehow it’s compulsively watchable, perhaps because all the actors seem to have committed so fully to their roles.
So it’s a shame that the ending is the worst cliche in the book, the ultimate cop-out. (It should’ve been obvious, but I think the fact that I’d seen Soul Survivors so recently kept me from realising; I didn’t want to think another film would do something so bloody annoying!) It’s kind of terrible, then, ultimately. But it had its moments, and it wasn’t boring, so it gets points for that. 

It’s difficult to give a film like this a star rating. It’s a complete oddity. For starters, it’s overtly stagey: the set up is that three strangers end up getting trapped in the underground laundry room of their apartment building on the hottest day of the summer, so it’s essentially a film about three people in one room.

The premise sounds like maybe it’ll become a low budget thriller of some sort, as they try to escape and maybe face some kind of physical hardships, and indeed the film seems like it’s going to go in that direction for a little while, as the electricity cuts out, there’s only a limited amount of food (and no bathroom) available, and the possibility that the basement will flood looms.

But then things start getting kind of weird. The dynamic between the three strangers continually shifts, and none of them act rationally, at all. Within about an hour of getting trapped, they’re all acting as if this is a life and death situation, when actually it seems pretty likely that someone will be along to let them out before too much longer. (The scene in which Julian and Moriat have sex, writhing in a chair without ever actually getting undressed, while Nora reads from the newspaper, is bewildering.) It sounds terrible, and yet somehow it’s compulsively watchable, perhaps because all the actors seem to have committed so fully to their roles.

So it’s a shame that the ending is the worst cliche in the book, the ultimate cop-out. (It should’ve been obvious, but I think the fact that I’d seen Soul Survivors so recently kept me from realising; I didn’t want to think another film would do something so bloody annoying!) It’s kind of terrible, then, ultimately. But it had its moments, and it wasn’t boring, so it gets points for that. 

April292012
If Michele Soavi invites you to a mystery film screening, you probably shouldn’t go. It’ll definitely be a horror movie, and if you’re really unlucky, the demons will break free of the screen and kill the audience, too. Demons is very splattery and very silly, but it doesn’t really make sense and doesn’t really have any characters, so it falls a little flat.

If Michele Soavi invites you to a mystery film screening, you probably shouldn’t go. It’ll definitely be a horror movie, and if you’re really unlucky, the demons will break free of the screen and kill the audience, too. Demons is very splattery and very silly, but it doesn’t really make sense and doesn’t really have any characters, so it falls a little flat.

8AM
Interestingly, the Hammer version of the Phantom of the Opera story plays fast and loose with the plot, and introduces many of the aspects that Phantom of the Paradise later used in its adaptation. So the Phantom is a misunderstood musician whose music is stolen from him by a villainous opera manager; he damages his face trying to stop the music being printed under someone else’s name, much like Leach in Phantom of the Paradise, and the finale is virtually identical in both films. (Christine’s love interest, Harry, is much more of a hero in this version of the story than any other, though.) It’s interesting to see how the story changes over the years, from one adaptation to another, but this isn’t a particularly compelling version.

Interestingly, the Hammer version of the Phantom of the Opera story plays fast and loose with the plot, and introduces many of the aspects that Phantom of the Paradise later used in its adaptation. So the Phantom is a misunderstood musician whose music is stolen from him by a villainous opera manager; he damages his face trying to stop the music being printed under someone else’s name, much like Leach in Phantom of the Paradise, and the finale is virtually identical in both films. (Christine’s love interest, Harry, is much more of a hero in this version of the story than any other, though.) It’s interesting to see how the story changes over the years, from one adaptation to another, but this isn’t a particularly compelling version.

8AM
Sam Kellog is a bounty hunter who always takes a sucker’s bet. He’s in debt, can’t keep up with his alimony/child maintenance payments, and can’t resist entering high stakes poker games, because, well, he’s just kind of an idiot. So when a particularly dangerous (and high value) bounty comes up, he can’t resist. 
The titular glove is kind of irrelevant to the plot, in the end, but it represents the institutional cruelty of the penal system - it’s a glove designed for use by prison guards, to keep prisoners in their place, except an escaped criminal (and jazz musician) stole one and, um, didn’t really do much with it. 
The Glove tries to say something about race, capitalism, and society at large, but it’s just kind of too stupid to manage to put together anything coherent. And it’s not fun enough to work as an action movie, either. Shame.

Sam Kellog is a bounty hunter who always takes a sucker’s bet. He’s in debt, can’t keep up with his alimony/child maintenance payments, and can’t resist entering high stakes poker games, because, well, he’s just kind of an idiot. So when a particularly dangerous (and high value) bounty comes up, he can’t resist. 

The titular glove is kind of irrelevant to the plot, in the end, but it represents the institutional cruelty of the penal system - it’s a glove designed for use by prison guards, to keep prisoners in their place, except an escaped criminal (and jazz musician) stole one and, um, didn’t really do much with it. 

The Glove tries to say something about race, capitalism, and society at large, but it’s just kind of too stupid to manage to put together anything coherent. And it’s not fun enough to work as an action movie, either. Shame.

April212012
A sort of retread of the Phantom of the Opera, Phantom of the Paradise sees a dorky songwriter selling his soul to a famous music producer in order to make his music - and the woman he’s besotted with - famous. It has its moments, but ultimately it’s kind of a disappointment. 

A sort of retread of the Phantom of the Opera, Phantom of the Paradise sees a dorky songwriter selling his soul to a famous music producer in order to make his music - and the woman he’s besotted with - famous. It has its moments, but ultimately it’s kind of a disappointment.